I’ll admit that Thai election campaigns don’t hold a candle to the US campaigns, but I will still be more than happy to see the campaign trucks say goodbye on Monday.  The trucks drive slowly through town with huge speakers and a few people standing in the back of the truck shouting through megaphones. It’s a bear to get stuck behind one. Thankfully, they’ve only been going for a week or so.

And elections are today!

As of six o’clock yesterday evening, alcohol was illegal to sell at stores or restaurants. Everyone must be sobered up for the elections, even if less than half of this border town can actually vote.

We’re quite far from the cities and in some ways we’re much more affected by Burmese politics than Thai. Even so, prayers appreciated!  The governor of our province could be very influential in the future of the refugee camps, and the party with national majority could make changes for NGO regulations and visas, which are a big part of our lives as Partners is an NGO and we have visas.

Here’s to a sober, non-rioting election day!

We received an email this week from a team hoping to come visit in January of 2013.

2013.

Really?

We live in an area where we’re not sure what areas we’ll be able to get into next week.  We wait to make plans with our local contacts until just weeks or days before.  The entire culture here works on a schedule that lacks, well, schedule–no calendars, no clocks, no dairies to write down reminders.

One of the headmasters of a local migrant school tells us every week that maybe he will be here or maybe he will go home soon to Burma if the new government is good.

There’s no telling when the camps will close or how long we’ll be able to do what we do here.

There were elections last November in Burma, and we’re still discovering the repercussions of them. And there are elections in Thailand next week and we’re waiting to see the repercussions of those.

We are constantly repeating to teams that things change and flexibility is key.

And then we have this team, wanting us to plan on them for January 2013, when we may or may not be here, when the camps may or may not be closed, and when Burma may or may not be freed.

And then, as we spoke with our boss about how to respond to this request, I realized how overwhelming it all is to me.

We made the decision to move here because we knew that’s what God called us to. But I’m still wrapping my head around it all–day by day, taking each thing as it comes.  This week, I’m grasping that I’m missing out on a family vacation & reunion in Gatlinburg, wishing I could be a part of the fun and catch up with cousins, aunts, and uncles I have seen in nearly a decade, which is quite a long time for someone as young as I am.

I’m grappling with the fact I won’t be there for my best friend’s wedding in a month. That I won’t be there for the wedding showers, the pedicures, wedding dress shopping, the bridesmaid events, and the beautiful wedding itself. I haven’t even seen the engagement band on her finger.

To so many of the staff here, this is life. You give up family, friends, and all things familiar. You embrace this.

And once you embrace it, I think it’s hard to remember what a commitment it was. Sometimes I feel like everyone here is just waiting for me to just toughen up, swallow it, and be all here.

But I’m on this island between: between that and what was once home. I’m between America, family, vacations, buying a house, having a family, going to movies, shopping at Target and this new life of–well, shopping at local markets, always being lost in translation, being stared at regularly, cockroaches & lizards, suffering across the street, maybe just a general lostness–whether its me looking for black beans in the market or the orange soda being offered up to the spirit house. Lots of lostness.

Anyway, it was in this team wanting to come over for the New Year holiday of 2013 that I realized this island I’m standing on.

We’re in this for as long as God tell us to be here, and there’s a good chance we’ll be here then.

But I can’t commit that time away yet.

For example, when we first arrived, we already had two teams set up for December of this year. And in my first couple weeks, this nearly pushed me over the edge. I knew we wouldn’t be going home for Christmas–we had agreed to two years before furlough (minus emergencies or major events). But, I still wasn’t ready to see my Christmas holiday filled up with things here.

And it’s the same with this next Christmas and New Year holiday 2013: I can’t schedule it yet. I realize I may not have many Christmases at home with family as long as we’re here. But take one at a time. I’m still getting over Father’s Day. I’m still trying to figure out how to get Stephen a burger and fries for the 4th of July.  Christmas is yet to be swallowed.

And even as I’m on this island–I don’t even know which way I want to go. That’s probably the worst part of all. I feel like the one side is yelling for me to come home and the other side is yelling for me to jump in wholeheartedly.  And I don’t even know which way I want to go. I can’t grasp the person I’ll become if we stay here long; and I don’t know how I’d slip back into America after what I am now.

So I’m just standing there. Maybe yelling, “Take one thing at a time, please! Just one thing at a time!”

Oh, yes. We’re the newest members of a local gym.

Well, “gym”.

It’s in a local resort hotel, and apparently they aren’t getting enough visitors.  I can’t imagine why not–Mae Sot is such a resort-like location!

(I say that completely sarcastically. It’s just a shady little border town.)

Anyway, they have opened up their fitness center and pool to the public, so we joined.

And we love it. The gym is a little aged, but it sports two treadmills (maybe 3…I’m not sure what that last thing is), two bikes (currently broken, but hopefully to be fixed!), and a selection of weight machines. I’m just thankful for the opportunity to run without the sun, rain, and stares bearing down on me.

The pool is amazingly nice, both clean and cool, and a great way to end a workout. I still feel a little naked in my one-piece swimsuit after months of always having my shoulders and knees covered, but I’m getting used to it again.

Oh, and they will have member cards for us later this week.  They usually take photos, but they said they didn’t need to for us because they could remember us. Y’know, the white ones.

We stopped at 7-11 on the way home for an ice cream cone tonight.

As we were driving, I said something about the ice cream seeming harder than usual. Stephen said his was, too.

So I decided it must be getting colder, to which Stephen replied, “Yeah. We made it from the air-conditioned store to the air-conditioned car without our ice cream melting. It’s getting colder!”

Lord, prepare me
to be a sanctuary,
pure & holy,
tried & true.
With thanksgiving,
I’ll be a living
sanctuary
for You.
Lord, teach your children
to stop their fighting,
start uniting,
all as one.
Let’s come together,
praise His name forever,
and be a sanctuary
for You.

We live scarily close to a war zone.  Sometimes that can be easier to forget, but recently, it seems to be more apparent.  I’ve been more and more aware of the danger that so many around us operate in. I’ve been more and more of the suffering, the fear, and the pain.  I’m more aware of the darkness.

And still among that, I’m more aware of the faith. I think of Pastor Peacefully, telling us on Saturday for the umpteenth time, that he will close his migrant school/home for just three reasons: 1) they are kicked off the land 2) they run out of money for rice and 3) if this government really is free and they can all go home. His home used to be limited to 100 students, but he now has about 97 girls and 98 boys as the situation has worsened on the border. And he doesn’t yet know where he’s going to find enough caregivers or enough rice. For this month. So he’s praying.

Or take this amazing couple in Umphang, who used to have a home for twelve children.  They allowed them to live with them and attend school in Thailand for safety.  In February, they increased to fifty children as the need arose. And now this month, they are at one hundred children. In their home. Their daughter works with Partners, and she asked for prayer for her parents. They are considering starting a migrant school. As she told me about it, she said, “My dad, he sees that they need a migrant school. So he thinks now maybe he will start one.”

This song has been mulling around in my head for the past few days.  I’m really aching for this: that God would truly create us to be sanctuaries. I can honestly, and in pure understatement, say that this has been a hard transition to Thailand. But I can also say that I’m praying this time is purifying us, making us more like Christ, and creating hearts of thanksgiving in us–so that we can be a sanctuary here. So that our lives, like the lives of Pastor Peacefully and this couple in Umphang, will be a sanctuary for those around us. That in Christ we can become “a place of refuge or safety, a holy place.”

And then, I might ache even more for the next part: that we could somehow learn to stop the fighting.

We’re in the middle of three weeks and three weekends worked straight through. Thus, when we were with the team the other day, this question was posed:

If you could go anywhere, leaving right now, and stay for one week, where would you go?

My answer: Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We’d go stay at Stephen’s grandparents house up in the mountains. I’d bring a couple books, sweaters, Goldfish, graham crackers, and pretzels (all good snack food that we can’t find in Mae Sot!). I’d alternate my days, spending some out on the porch reading and others out hiking. And every night would be a movie, maybe one in a movie theater! 🙂

Stephen’s answer: Somewhere cold. Really cold. Maybe Nepal.

Yep, that’s what I’ve been thinking about this week. The mountains, the cold, good snacks, reading, and hiking.

Anyone else?

We arrived home to find a dog skull on our front porch in about five pieces.

Creepy.

Remember how we’re learning that things change, and then they change again?

Well, surprise! Our first team, due to arrive 15 June, arrived early into our care!  We’re now leading our first team–five college students from Malibu, California–and will be until 21 June.

They are actually on a two-month mission trip here in Thailand, planned to work with a number of organizations in the area. Our time with them was scheduled for 15 June through 21 June.  They went through Mae Sot last week on their way to a village.  They had called and asked us to hold some of their luggage at the office so they didn’t have to cart it all with them. Easy for us, so we got that arranged, and then heard from them on Saturday about picking up their luggage again.

It was at this point we discovered their trip wasn’t going quite as planned. They had faced a few bumps along the road and were getting quite discouraged. We offered to get them their luggage and meet them for dinner on Sunday night.

And at dinner we realized just how many of their plans had fallen through, including the next ten days until they’d be officially volunteering with us.

It was one of those times we felt that if we were going to start each day praying that we’d have eyes to see the opportunities God put before us, we should probably jump at those opportunities when they arise.  With a group of five willing to do anything to serve, our week plans quickly changed.

And thus, our first volunteer team is here! This week will be full of packing hygiene packs for the children’s homes Partners supports, helping to weed at the Partners development farm, sorting clothing donations to go inside, and play with the local children in our neighborhood.   We’ll then head out next Wednesday to visit a refugee camp about five hours south and spend time with the students in two of Partners children’s homes there.

That said, prayers appreciated. Stephen & I just officially took over our job at a meeting on Saturday, at which point we acquired a lengthy to-do list.  We’re also still sitting in the middle of children’s project responsibilities with a side dish of language learning. We’d love your prayers for energy, patience, and kindness; and for us to be open to whatever surprises for ministry come our way!