As we have been dialoging with friends, family, and pastors, we ask a lot of questions. Probably too many. Questions about suffering, poverty, and hope. Questions about tomorrow and eternity, absolute truth and cultural truths, joy and pain.
I’m not sure I could count how many times we’ve been told, “That’s a good question.”
Sometimes that makes you want to scream.
But really, all of our questions keep taking me back to trust. Trust in a few absolute truths. Trust that God is good; trust that God is God. Trust that He is big.
And maybe trust that I am small. Trust that I don’t know goodness or even which way is up sometimes. I don’t know why there is suffering, how I fit into it, or what I am to do about it.
And apparently I have a lot of good questions.
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As I chatted with mom over breakfast today (so much to be thankful for in that sentence!), she listened to my questions. She asked some, too, and we contemplated the unknowns. And she wisely concluded, “Isn’t it that we keep coming back to the garden of Eden? We still want the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. We want to know if we are right; what is good and what is wrong; which way we should go.”
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It’s messy to think that all the unanswered questions just come back to God being big. It’s messy to think that it is just trust; that it is simply a choice to believe the few absolutely truths.
It frustrates me a little, if I’m honest. But then I also love it. Isn’t that the beauty of it?
Would I want to serve a God that wasn’t bigger than me? That wasn’t worthy of being trusted with suffering?
Isn’t my smallness and His bigness the beauty of it?
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So we’ll keep asking questions. We’ll probably be told a few more times that we over-analyze and over-think. And hopefully we’ll hear “that’s a good question” a few more times in our lives.
May we never stop asking questions; may we never stop coming back to trust.
I so appreciated this post, Kelli. I’m thankful to know you..a beautiful lady that continues, in the midst of horrible realities, to ask some really great questions. Looking forward to hopefully seeing you guys stateside soon! -Natalie( and Levi + Ruby) 🙂
Solomon wisely said ‘there is nothing new under the sun’. It sounds to me like YOU are normal….(isn’t THAT comforting). Love you, Gma
I love reading your blog! I especially appreciate your mom’s response about going back to the Garden of Eden – so very true. We want to know _________! Whatever the blank may be. It comes back to trusting Him with the unknown and with our future. Thanks for sharing.
Anjanette
I’m SO glad you’re home so you can process what’s been happening to you as much as you can. We still have many unanswered questions ourselves, but it does always seem to come back to trust and a great big God.
PS: I LOVE what you’re mom said!!! I’m going to file that one away for later. : )