on having children.

My Karen teacher, Hser Nay Gay, had twin girls this past month, and let me tell you: they are adorable. Twins are pretty uncommon here, so it was exciting on many accounts!

Since we have been meeting together for three to four hours a week for over a year, we have had plenty of time to chat about pregnancy and having babies. It was a great way to learn new words in Karen, teach her new words in English, and challenge me to explain things or argue a point in Karen!

She and her husband have a children’s home here, where they have seven teenagers living with them and supported by them. Some of the children have parents and others may not; they live in a home so they have more opportunities for education and “a better life.”  This home is supported by a Christian foundation in town, managed by foreigners, so my teacher has quite a lot of interaction and exposure to other cultures. She often comes to me to ask questions about why they do this or why they would ask that. And with the pregnancy, these questions became quite common.

She was gifted many items that she wasn’t sure how to use, or perhaps once she understood how, wasn’t sure why. We had conversation after conversation about the differences between Karen traditions on pregnancy, birth, and parenting and “Western” traditions. Being her primary representative of “Western” traditions was a little scary, particularly since I haven’t even had kids myself. I did my best to explain how things might be different in different countries–maybe Europe compared to the Americas–and in different families based on money, location, family size, or religion.

Amidst this, though, were a few very interesting conversations that I hope I never forget.

One of our first conversations was about diapers. It is such a common gift, and she was just absolutely baffled by it. I tried to explain the advantages: the cleanliness, the ease of throwing them away; but also the negatives: the expense, the extra trash. She offered that you could leave the diaper on the baby all day to help with these, so I had to explain the risk of rashes, and the need to keep them changed. We talked about what the cost might be here for one child and then two. We talked about the Karen traditions: they often keep the kids wrapped in a particular white cloth for the first three to four weeks after birth. The baby is always swaddled, and this cloth serves as both a diaper and clothing. It is the same type of cloth that is used to wrap around the mothers head during this time, when they often don’t shower much, if at all. When we talked about diapers and clothing for babies, she asked this {as if it were the most absurd idea in the world}, “So, the baby comes out, and you just put a diaper and clothes on it?”

By the end of the conversation, I was having trouble thinking straight as to why we do use diapers!

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She was given a stroller, too, which she asked me the English name for and what the purpose is. Again, I explained the advantages of not having the weight of the baby on you, rolling smoothly, going long distances, or the baby sleeping soundly. I also talked about the advantages of carrying a baby in a sling, as the Karen do.

I was actually just reading in The World Until Yesterday about the disadvantages of strollers. Studies are showing that having the baby facing backward for so long isn’t a natural way, where if they are carried, they are naturally facing forward as the mother does. Supposedly this can lead to walking earlier. They also pointed out the advantages of having the baby close and in contact with the caregiver at all times.

Hser Nay Gay said she thought it was better to carry the baby because it was safer. When I asked her why, she replied, “What if you have to run? You cannot run with that big stroller. If you are carrying your baby you can run very fast.”

I told her I didn’t think many mothers in the West considered this, because maybe they weren’t so concerned about having to run from something. Really, this seemed like a whole different issue all together.

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After some foreigners had been visiting her regularly for a few a weeks, she asked me one day, “Do Americans choose a name for their baby before the baby is born?!”  Apparently visitors had been coming and asking her regularly if she had chosen a name.

I said that this was common, maybe as early as 20 weeks when they can determine the gender. I said if they know the gender, they might choose and even have things made with their name on it–a blanket or a shirt or a bag. I said if they didn’t know the gender, many parents will talk about it and maybe have a boy’s name and a girl’s name chosen, waiting to see.  I explained that other parents might wait until the baby is born or see what name fits the baby’s personality.

She said Karen families don’t discuss the names at all–she and her husband hadn’t said one word about it–until the baby is born. Then they have about a week to decide.

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We also talked about how many children a family might have, what items they might have for the baby, where they baby sleeps, what they feed babies. My favorite question by far was one she asked almost as a whisper. She leaned forward and said, “So I heard that babies in America sometimes have their own room!”

I laughed out loud.

I really did love all of these conversations. It was so fun to go to a baby shower that was thrown for her, and see what she thought of the entire thing. She was so patient and gracious with all of the Western traditions and games, even when I know she felt silly!  It was fun, to get an honest and informative glimpse into another cultures’ practices and thoughts on having children.

And now, I get to hold two really tiny, beautiful Karen babes!