It’s not news to anyone that this has been a hard season. We’ve tried to be open with people as we can be–seeking wise counsel from different friends, family, and mentors; sharing little bits here and there on the blog. We also want to be loving and respectful of all parties involved.
We have been praying and praying. I can’t defend every action or choice, I’m sure we have made mistakes both big and small, and I’m still confident we know nothing of what the future will hold. That said, I can say with my whole heart that we are trying. I don’t know how David was so confident in Psalm 27:8,
“You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.'”
I find myself saying, I am trying to seek Your face! {with perhaps a whispered, Where are you?} And this is often followed by, I believe; Lord, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)
So we’re here. We are trying to love and live well. We’re falling short, but we keep getting up again.
We have said a number of times in the past while that we feel like God has told us to get up and keep climbing. We have found some resonance in the story of Abraham climbing the mountain to make a sacrifice of his son, Isaac. He was told to go, and he went–not sure what awaited at the end. And though we’re not climbing with a child to sacrifice, it feels like we’re carrying our futures, our plans, our dreams…maybe sometimes our sanity? It seems we’re realizing those might be sacrificed.
But we feel like we’re supposed to keep climbing.
There are two things we have been praying for specifically, and today I felt like it was the time to share them. And more than just sharing them, ask for others to pray with us.
The first is that there would be a ram waiting for us. We are searching and praying for a ram in the thicket. And in this is our second prayer: that we wouldn’t settle for an Ishmael.
As we look through our options for our work at Partners, in Mae Sot, in Southeast Asia, and in the US, we are praying that God would provide a ram beyond our wildest imagination. Or maybe that he would just show us when to stop climbing. But most importantly that we wouldn’t create our own way and our own solution; that we wouldn’t settle for something less than what was promised.
We still don’t know the timelines ahead, but it feels like we are approaching pivotal decisions, thickets, and Ishmaels. Please pray with us: for wisdom to know the difference between rams and Ishmaels; for a ram to be out there; energy to get up and keep climbing; for us to love well in the middle of messes.
In Revelation 3, John writes a letter of God’s message to the church at Laodicea. Verse 18 reads, “I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes so you may see.” We talked about this in home church a few weeks back, and I find myself praying for this, too: refinement in ourselves, white garments to cover us, and salve than enables us to see.
…Here’s to believing there is a ram around the corner, hoping for the things we cannot see; here’s to finding ourselves refined, covered in grace, and seeing Christ more clearly through it all.
Oh Kelli; you are so brutally honest; I appreciate that so much; that helps us to know how to pray for you and Stephen…you articulate so well….If only I could express myself as you do…..If the truth were known; most of us are still struggling with life just as you described. I wonder if we EVER know the answers for certain???? I think so often; we expect to see immediate results of our ministry efforts; but they might not be known until we reach heaven. I read that is why we will not be judged immediately when entering heaven but will have to wait for the Great White Throne of Judgment; because our works will still be working here on earth; bearing fruit…..Keep on being obedient to the leadership of the Holy Spirit; know that I too am praying for you and love you. Gma