farther along.

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by 

Tempted and tried, I wondered why
The good man died, the bad man thrives
And Jesus cries because he loves ’em both
We’re all castaways in need of ropes
Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope
In a house of mirrors full of smoke
Confusing illusions I’ve seen

Where did I go wrong, I sang along
To every chorus of the song
That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates
Leading mice and men down to their fates
But some will courageously escape
The seductive voice with a heart of faith
While walkin’ that line back home

So much more to life than we’ve been told
It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down to the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness alright

Farther along we’ll know all about it 
Farther along we’ll understand why 
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine 
We’ll understand this, all by and by  

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I’m free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I’ll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levees and my bluffs
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the Son of God is forever blessed
His is the Kingdom, we’re the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon

Farther along we’ll know all about it 
Farther along we’ll understand why 
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine 
We’ll understand this, all by and by 

Farther Along by Josh Garrels

This song has been on repeat: in the car, in the office, around the house. You should probably click on this link and listen to it.

Right now, I am writing this from Chiang Mai. I am dreaming of days farther along, when we will know all about this time that has passed us and understand why we are here. I’m trying to sort out the rocks and compromises that surround us; sorting out the changes and probably rambling on. I’m trying to cheer up and find the sunshine while singing, Lord, come soon.

We came to Chaing Mai last Friday, with a schedule to meet with a counselor all of this week. In an effort to respect all people involved, I can’t explain the whole heap of why we were pursuing counseling. In simplest form, I suppose it was three pronged: the challenges we have faced in our work and organization, the challenges we faced reconnecting with our families on furlough, and the strain these have put on our marriage and selves.

I was quite open about going to counseling. It didn’t seem something to shout from the rooftops, but it also didn’t seem anything to hide. When people asked why we were going to Chiang Mai, we told them.

That said, I can no longer count the number of people who have said that it “takes courage” or that it is “brave” to seek help. Still many more who have said that they used to think only really messed up people went to counseling, but now know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

I’m wondering if I should have been more embarrassed or less vocal from the beginning, because obviously people feel the need to reassure us it was a good decision.

I was pretty confident it was a good decision. I was the one living the life that made it seem obvious.

Either way, we arrived last Friday.

I will note here that God is good and He provided. Most of my concern for going to get counseling was financial: Chiang Mai is a much more expensive city than Mae Sot in many ways. Simply eating and living here is more costly, but adding in hotel costs, public transit or a rental motorbike, transportation to get here, and the expense of counseling wasn’t going to make it cheap.

That said, the Lord provided in really wonderful ways. By the time we were packing last week, we had two houses offered to us and two vehicles we could borrow. Our organization let us know they would pay for the counseling. And even in taking the bus to save money, the bus ride was splendid–we both arrived in one piece and not feeling queasy.

Splendid might be a strong word, but it went well.

We had our first session scheduled for Tuesday morning, but learned on Monday that our counselor’s father had passed away in the States, requiring a trip home and leaving us without a counselor.

I know we have no control over deaths and such; I know the counselor had no control over the situation. However, having reached the point where I am saying I need counseling, I am willing to take a six hour bus ride to get there, and I am spending money I don’t have to be here: it felt like a hit to the stomach.

You just don’t take away a person’s last ditch effort.

Or they did, and we moved on because we had few options. So we met with a husband & wife on Tuesday, and then a different counselor on Wednesday & Thursday.

We have taken this week to pray and to seek out fresh eyes to see our lives: our work, each other, our families, our neighbors. We are taking time to pray for big things. What is working per se, and what is just not?

I won’t say any of it was ideal: we didn’t have a moment of realization that changed our lives. But really, why do we hope for ideal? God is still good, and God is still speaking.  And we are still afloat.

And farther along, we’ll understand this, and so much more.  It will no longer be a reflection, it will no longer be in part: we will know fully. We will be fully known.

Farther along.