1,219 curves.

There have been many curves in the past couple weeks.

We were so excited for my parents to arrive, and it seemed like we we were running in circles trying to get things together before they came. Dad had a rash the first couple of days they were here, we helped the neighbors with a funeral and made some trips to the hospital. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for them, but we had three weeks, right?

And then they left, in a sudden mess of calls, a quick trip up to Chiang Mai and a quick trip back. We were suddenly still in the middle of plans we made for them: I had a training to finish, and we had a trip planned to Noh Poe refugee camp. All still had to be done, just visitor-less.

We then got a call from my parents, amidst the funeral and tears, that someone had offered to pay their way back. They are planning to come back our way in just a few months!

And then Stephen got sick, leaving me to make the trek to Noh Poe myself yesterday. There were a few other ups and downs in there that don’t seem worth mentioning. We were just tired, physically & emotionally. I felt–and feel–like there was no time to actually think through what each step meant, good or bad or easy or hard. There was always just another one in front of it.

And then I left yesterday morning for Noh Poe.

There are 1,219 curves in the first 100 kilometers of the trip. And at least that many potholes in the last 100 kilometers.

The road is a maze of curves and hills, where you spend most of your time in second gear and celebrate to reach third. I couldn’t help but think how  this is like our lives. So many ups and downs and surprises.

At one point I told my friend & translator Yim, “After you turn this many times, logic tells you it is just a circle. In my head, there is just no way we are going anywhere.”

Just a few minutes later, she replied, “Slow down; look there. Do you see the flat land? That is just behind my farm [where we left about an hour ago]. So, I think you are right. We just go in many circles.”

The trip was scheduled to include my parents, Stephen & I, and a translator. We were staying over night, had activities planned for the kids, and Stephen was doing an interview and video of one of our favorite caregivers.

Due to aforementioned events, all of this was cancelled. We decided to just go for the afternoon for a few deliveries, not spend the night, and then return later for the interview and photos. However, due to inconsistent communication access, they didn’t know any of this.

The kids were waiting outside and clapped for us when we pulled into the children’s home. We received stares of confusion when just two of us climbed out, exhausted from driving, with no snacks or games or excitement. They had prepared everything: beds were laid out with mosquito nets in place; they had organic bananas and coffee waiting for us.

He asked about my parents and where they were; he asked about Stephen and when he could do the interview again. He showed me which angles of his huge organic gardens would best for the video and photos.

I felt like a very big disappointment.

And then we drove back. All 1,219 curves and many circles.

That seems to sum up most of my life currently.