We had an all staff meeting in our Mae Sot office yesterday.  In the morning our boss was sharing about the rice crisis in an area of Karen State. She described that they were eating “rice porridge” for most meals, which consists of a small bit of rice, a large bit of water, and some “vegetables” that are foraged in the nearby brush. It has relatively no nutritional value.

It was her last sentence, though, that stuck out to me: “It’s the lucky ones who have regular rice for one meal a day.”

How often would we consider a bowl of “regular rice” to amount to our good fortune? And how amazingly blessed am I for the vegetables, rice, spices, and bread that I’ve consumed today?

And isn’t it funny how one sentence can remain with you, as if its simply hanging in the air; reminding me to be thankful, reminding me to pray, reminding me to hope.

My ear has been popping pretty consistently for the past week or so.  When it pops, I can hear for around four seconds before it all goes fuzzy again. And it’s been a little bit of a cruel trick.

Until just now. My ear popped, and I can hear! I can hear all the glorious sounds around me, like the air conditioner and the hum of the laptop. And it’s been about four minutes now.

And I’m excited.

generosity |ˌjenəˈräsitē|:  liberality, openhandedness, unselfishness, benevolence, altruism, big-heartedness, bounteousness; the act of being kind and generous.

In the first week of each month we receive a report from the Partners US office that details the donations that were made into our account. In seeking to be responsible adults with adequate records, we save these files as well as post them into our database.

And with time, I have grown to love the time it takes to repost all of the donations into the database. It creates a moment to take each month’s donation, each person, each dollar; and be thankful for it.  And without fail, each month I am amazed–genuinely awed–at the generosity. In a world of so much heartache and sin and selfishness, I have a record sent to me each month of selfless people sacrificing for the Kingdom.

It generates a heart of gratefulness and hope while bringing me back to my knees. The Lord is using people from different sides of the world, different ethnicities, different stories to provide for us. To provide for our rent, our vegetables at the market, the eight trips to the doctor to have my ear looked at, a delicious Western meal in Chiang Mai, internet to Skype our families, and the lemonade we can serve to the neighbor children.

I was a big fan of Ray Boltz as a child, and I’m actually still recovering from missing his concert in Peoria due to a miscommunication on who was Ray Boltz, who was Accapella, and who I actually liked. But all that aside, Ray Boltz’s song comes to mind–with my dad singing it for special music at Eureka Bible Church, “Thank you for giving to the Lord; I am a life that was changed.”

So cheesy. But so true. How many people will be able to sing that as a result of each dollar given–to us, to different families and non-profits around the world?

The words “it is well, it is well with my soul” were written into song in 1873; and as the story goes, it was written as a man sailed over the area where his four daughters had recently drowned.

I don’t know about you, but often when I sing this hymn, my mind goes to the challenges I’m currently facing, seeking to find peace within those challenges.  But Stephen & I began talking last night of how limiting this is. Finding peace amongst sorrows seems to still be a battle, a struggle, an effort. But what if its simply peace; simply a soul. Resting.

In staff meeting last week we were discussing Psalm 46:10 and what actually is to “be still”. Is it physical? Mental? Spiritual? To me, it connected to Psalm 23, “He leads me beside still waters.”  And still waters, to me, mean they aren’t going anywhere. There isn’t a goal or aim; they just are.

These are similar to me. A soul–still, resting, peaceful. It just is.

I often find myself really wanting everyone pleased with me. I want them to agree with what I do or support me. My sister often tells me to just let this go, but I haven’t found it that simple yet.  Too often wanting someone to be pleased with the way I’m doing things leads into criticism of others, defensiveness, or judgment.

It seems its been happening more recently: both with relationships here in Mae Sot and on the other side of the world. I place far to much energy and effort into presenting myself well and defending every step I take while criticizing the person next to me doing it all differently.

I’ve been praying through these things for quite some time.

Sometimes its praying for grace and patience with situations I disagree with; sometimes its praying for specific people or offenses. Sometimes its just praying for one meeting, that for just that moment in time I won’t be defensive; that I don’t have to be understood; that I don’t need approval.

This will probably continue, well, always.

But, as I laid in bed the other night, the words to “It is well” played through my head.

And my soul rested.

It didn’t matter–for that moment–what anyone else thought. I was at peace with myself. With how I spent time, with how I spent money, with how I spent words; with mistakes that were made as well as efforts. I could go to sleep with my life and how I lived; I could rest.

And to me, that was far deeper rest than a struggle to find the peaceful attributes in the challenges around me; another way of simply looking for the fingerprints of God in the challenges.  Instead, it was a holistically peaceful moment for my soul; it was meeting with God to simply be.

“Never let your fears prevent you from doing what you know is right.”

Aung San Suu Kyi

Oh, yes, I got to play Dutch Blitz tonight with the team that’s in town.

It was pretty amazingly fun, particularly when Brady & I won the second game. Games are more fun for me when I’m winning.

And in all, it really made me miss my sisters!  I just wanted to sit around on brown carpet with Amish-looking red, blue, green, and yellow cards flying.

But it was a good day.

…And then they let me keep the Dutch Blitz cards!  And the day got better.

“Look, they don’t have bars on their windows!”
“The coins are so shiny here.”

The big city is blessing us.

We’re staying at an apartment Partners haas attached to their offices. It was free this week and we are able to stay for free; and if we’re being honest, it’s nicer than our house by far. We are currently enjoying air con in the living room, a softer bed, a sitting toilet, a shower with curtain, and a larger fridge.

We went to the mall on our first day in the city. We ended up spending about five hours there and purchased a blender! Stephen was particularly excited about this since he will no longer be mashing chickpeas with a mortar & pecil for our hummus and falafel. And, we’re already enjoying smoothies and freshly made orange juice at this apartment.

Stephen also enjoyed a few guitar stores and playing a piano, which he’s really been missing.

Oh, and we went in to the doctor that day, too. My ear is getting better, so I’m on one more antibiotic and heading in one more time next week. He did say i have hole in my ear drum (not sure if it burst from the pressure of the infection or perhaps was damaged by one of the many doctors who poked around in my ear) that probably won’t heal for another month or so, at which point I’ll gain back full hearing. It’s awhile to wait, but I’m thankful it should be coming back.

We’ve also been enjoying the company of coworkers and friends in Chiang Mai. We’ve still been getting to know a family from Arkansas and couple from my little hometown of Roanoke, Illinois, that are here for business as mission, and we are really loving them. They are teaching us and refreshing us with their perspectives of Thailand and missions. And really, they are just fun and we’d rather them be living in Mae Sot, so we’re enjoying the time with them while we can.

Now we’re fitting in some work this week and preparing ourselves for the weekend ahead, with high hopes of enjoying a movie at the theater and some really wonderful Greek food.