While we have been in this village, I have been emailing back and forth with a friend of mine. I will gladly call her a friend, but she began as the world’s greatest boss, when I worked with The Spero Project.

She & her husband are simply incredible. It was such a privilege to work alongside them and learn from them. It’s a privilege to see them raise their child, a five-year-old who knows some Burmese and a significant amount of Arabic that he has learned from spending most of his days in the refugee community of Oklahoma City.

I had written her an email of some of my thoughts while we are here, namely Stephen & I’s discussions of why we are in Mae Sot, and further what possesses us to be in the middle of nowhere, uncomfortable for a month. When you’re in the middle of it, you definitely start to question if it’s worth it and what train of thought got you here.

I suppose my greatest question is this: if Kingdom work is Kingdom work, why do we stay here? Stephen had some wonderful opportunities with his coworkers at Apple, we could have wonderful opportunities working in refugee communities in the States, and really, all of us have wonderful opportunities every where we are and in everything we do.

So why not go back to a soft bed and four seasons in the year? Why not live where our families, and my sweet newborn niece, are?

Our only conclusion was that we feel called here.

I suppose you could see that as a very strong rationale. Honestly, sometimes it feels a little weak against the pull of familiarity.

To all my thoughts and wonderings, she replied with very encouraging, wise words, I thought.

“My natural response is to remind you how influential you are in the developing Karen State.  And set up some scenario–‘just imagine what’s going to happen when someone in your class is equipped and brings freedom for a whole group of people.’  But if I’ve learned anything since you’ve been gone it’s that those are well-meaning but blatantly wrong statements.  That may or may not happen.  It may be that you see far more ‘result’ than you could ever have dreamed.  But that’s not up to you or to us.  And you can’t judge if it’s right to stay or go based on that.  And I can’t hold your encouragement and support hostage to whether there’s a ‘return on investment.’”

It makes me think of Ray Boltz’ song, “Thank you, for giving to the Lord. I am a life that was changed…”  This was a favorite when I was a kid.

He sings of a small gift of money he had given to a missionary that saved a man; the Sunday school class he taught to eight-year-olds changed a child’s life. He says, “Each life somehow touched by your generosity…They were unnoticed on the earth; In heaven now proclaimed.”

This is true, that we don’t see the whole the picture, and our small gifts can make big differences for humanity. But I think there is the other side, the not-as-singable truth, that there may not be such results. And that we are still called to obedience for the sake of obedience, rather than for the sake of influence or outcomes.

As 1 Samuel 15:22 declares, “Has the Lord as great a delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.”

And I appreciate that my friend’s wise words confirmed her encouragement and support of Stephen & I being here out of obedience, even if nothing is changed. If no life is touched, or if there is no “return on the investment.”

Stephen reminded me this morning that it was Thanksgiving. I think he only remembered because of the reminder he put on our calendar and saw when he opened the computer!

To be honest, I’m not sure how to celebrate here. I feel like Thanksgiving is full with delicious food, watching television or movies (parades!), and family. Lots of family. And in my family, there are usually games somewhere in the middle of that.

None of those things are here: we will have food, yes, and they always give us their best. And it will be delicious in its own way, but not of the usual turkey, bread, potatoes, and pumpkin sort of delicious.

We won’t have a television to watch, and movie night isn’t until tomorrow. Card games are culturally disrespectful.

And as wonderful as these students are, and as much as I have grown to love Yim, my sweet coworker here with us–they are not family.

I suppose we can share things we are thankful for this evening. I’m sure the list will include the warm, sweet cup of hot chocolate this afternoon after teaching; the beautiful mountains around us covered in more variations of plants than I could begin to name; our warm clothes drying in the sun for a cool night tonight.

And the surprise French fries that Yim made us for dinner! Perhaps not a typical Thanksgiving meal, but typical Western food at least.

A different list of thankfulness, but thankful all the same!

Another little niece is here!  We barely got the photo downloaded, but thankfully got to see a beautiful picture of my sister and her husband with their three little kiddos! I can’t hardly believe it.

And I can’t wait to meet little Sophie sometime soon.

The students study many hours a day. Our schedule looks something like this:

Wake at 5:30am for chores, homework, laundry until 8am; breakfast and cleanup.
Class from 9am to 12pm, lunch, and class from 1pm to 3pm.
Chores, showers, and rest until 5pm; dinner and cleanup.
Prayer & Bible reading at 6pm, until about 6:30pm.

I will note here that this schedule tends to run ahead, usually about fifteen minutes.

And then in the evenings, we have more study time from about 6:30pm to 9pm. The electricity and internet is on from 6pm to 9pm, so this is when we can do research projects, study computer, or use the keyboard for singing. Stephen is also teaching a camera course two nights a week to train them on the three cameras the school shares.

And our latest idea? Movies. It practices their English, can provide some cultural lessons, and honestly, just gives them a chance to have some fun. We settled on every Friday night being movie night.

We chose five films and had them vote on them. Surprisingly, they first chose a documentary on Karen resettlement called Moving to Mars. They seemed to really enjoy it, and it has some funny bits to it. It is also a little sad, though, as the families struggle to adjust to a new culture and miss their homeland.

However, the movie night was very popular, and it was approved by the teachers to our Saturday evening activity, too.

And this time, we found ourselves hearing the dinner bell at 4:30pm, and we had finished the prayer & Bible reading at 6pm.

They were very excited to watch a movie.

This time they voted on Home Alone, which was so much fun.

They laughed so hard at every little bit of slapstick humor. There is something really hilarious about a whole group of students rolling on the floor at something even slightly funny.  You can’t help but laugh because they are simply delighted.

And it was a nice ring into the for us; nothing like Home Alone to make it feel like Christmas 🙂

Yesterday, we were discussing development: political, social, and economic. I was asking the students to provide examples of what the world measures as economic development.

Ultimately, this will lead into our research on statistics around the world and establishing where Burma is in the development process: underdeveloped, developing, or developed.

For economic development, we look at per capita income to show general wealth, inflation to show the stability of the economy, and a few technology statistics, as technology use generally increases as the economy grows. I was attempting to have them get to each of these areas, asking directed questions to promote thought and discussion. One of my questions was this: if you were given more money, what would you buy?

My aim was for them to answer in technology items: a computer, a phone; I’d even take a house with electricity or a motorbike and wrap that up in technology. But the answers I received?

Help their community with food; give money to the clinics to help the sick; give it to the church.

It didn’t prove my point, but instead a much greater one–not because they give the right answers for Christianity, but because the story of Scripture is within them.

As I was updating the curriculum last week, I added some types of economies. We discuss different types of government, but communism inevitably comes up; I needed to explain the difference between types of government and types of economies, and how we refer to them together.

This led to dividing economies into two types: command economies, where the government controls every aspect, and market economies, where private businesses and individuals control every aspect. I go on to explain that countries aren’t purely command or purely market; they are somewhere on the spectrum. I describe that communism is a type of command economy and capitalism is a type of market economy.

As I researched and attempted to clearly explain these economies, it is interesting to see their goals. The aim of communism is equality. Theoretically, it is believed that as humans we could not adequately divide wealth, but if the governing body takes on this role, we could achieve equality.

In capitalism, the aim is the same, but the theory opposite. It is believed that if we leave it up to the individual, we will naturally all act in our own benefit, and the invisible hand of the market will equalize us.

And in both scenarios, the aim was never achieved. In capitalism, the selfishness of the governing body was not considered. And in capitalism, the selfishness of man was underestimated.

Selfishness won, and inequalities exist everywhere to a very great extent.

As I read and study a variety of political analyses, economic theories, and evaluations of humankind for university, my current job, and pure interest, it continues to amaze me  the ways that everything comes back to the truth of Scripture. The truth that we are all groaning for something more, that sin entered through one man and life entered through another. The truth in 1 Corinthians 13:10,12-13, that

“when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away…
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
even as I have been fully known.
So now faith, hope, and love abide these three;
but the greatest of these is love.”

The truth that our theories, best attempts, and genius efforts are just a dim reflection. Even the beautiful love in the students here; the genuine desire to see families, friends, and community with full stomachs, healed bodies, and living in hope: this is still a reflection.

The truth that one day, we’ll see faith, hope, and love fully, and it will be far more glorious.

“When we truly discover love,
capitalism will not be possible
and Marxism will not be necessary.”
Will O’Brien

They’re coming again!

My parents just booked tickets to arrive on 8 December, and stay with us through Christmas! We’re pretty excited to have holiday visitors, and even more to be able to complete their trip. We are hoping they can catch a glimpse into our lives.

And it will certainly be an honest, interesting glimpse. We will be back home just a couple days before they arrive. Within a week we will see over twenty hours of bus rides.

Even so, we’ll happily take two!

We’re here: in the middle of nowhere, where time seems to stand still.

It’s been three days and feels like two weeks.

We have internet access at certain times of the day, namely, when we have electricity through a generator. There is a sudden rush to send off needed emails, charge the computer for our work, and attempt any research on questions asked in class through the day.

This time on the internet baffles me: I am irresolute between two worlds. One that seems so structured around the sun, the jobs to be completed for survival, and study. Study, study, study: languages, Bible, life skills. They are focused on each task and each day with quiet, strong determination.

And the other world, full of photos and stories. Every time I open email or Facebook, it just feels so fast: so much has changed, there are so many big events, and deadlines to be met. The focus is so much bigger, faster, and full of zeal.

I try to present those equally. I don’t really believe one is better than the other; each has its beautiful qualities and its horrid faults.

I simply mean to emphasize that they are just so different.

And to be caught between both is a little nauseating, to be honest.

Either way, we are happy to step into this world for a short time. The icy cold showers are refreshing; the glorious roaring of insects at night is beautiful to sleep to. The stars are breathtaking. And there are many things to be taught and learned.
I found my first leech on me, which left a little to be desired. I also came within closest contact of a snake, found about an inch from my exposed foot. I turned in time to calmly inform Stephen behind me, I saw it slither past his foot.

I’ll freely admit that both the leech and snake were small, but disconcerting all the same.

My wake-up call each morning has been icy cold drops of water falling to my exposed face. We’re not certain, but I think it is condensation gathered on the tin roof, slowly compiling overnight and dripping through a ceiling joint between the early hours of three and four. Somehow, they always land directly on my face, even when I shift to the right, left, or down.

And it’s cold. 

But even the cold is quite refreshing, namely because it doesn’t happen very often in our lives! It’s feeling just a little bit more like the holidays, which are coming faster than I know what to do with, at least on the other side of the world.

So here we are.

We are in an odd little town mid-way on our journey, passing through a run down little guesthouse. We went out to find a restaurant for dinner last night and happened upon some of the best pizza we’ve had in Thailand. Amazing.

We then went for a little walk through town and came upon the best English bookstore I’ve found in Thailand! It was adorable with the books well-kept and organized. Plenty to search through and be intrigued by.

And then we did go back to the guesthouse and read. We’re reading through the Giver series together, on the third book before we start Lois Lowry’s newest and the conclusion to the series, Son. They are all brilliant.

It was a pretty lovely evening.

We had such good intentions.

I mailed in our absentee ballot requests months ago, we faxed them just to be sure. We received the ballots in the mail and put them aside to faithfully do our research and make decisions.

Life happened in there somewhere, including my parents coming and leaving, three trips to Chiang Mai in a month, and many other messy things.

I looked at the dates: we had time, it could be postmarked even ten days after the election. I put it in my notebook and wrote reminders everywhere.

Earlier this week, we sat down to do our research. We filled out the ballots. We put them in envelopes.

I reread the instructions and the dates, now seeing that the ballots instead had to arrive within ten days of the election. They must be postmarked the day of, in the American time zone. And we’d missed it.

I had read it wrong the first time, thus making all following notes to myself wrong.

Epic fail.

I teach a course on democracy, the importance of voting, the value of individual participation. The incredible blessing that our government is has never been so apparent to me as it has been in the past year.

And yet I didn’t vote, because I was unorganized. I feel like it deserves a confession.

I feel like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail as she flightily recalls, “I have something to tell you, Frank. I didn’t vote. In the last mayoral election, when Rudy Giuliani was running against Ruth Messenger, I went to get a manicure and forgot to vote.”

So there you have it: this is my confession. I have been preaching the value of voting to a number of students, and I myself forgot to vote. Worse, I led my husband astray and assured him I was watching the dates.

And on that note, I begin another course this week as a very unbecoming teacher.