God is good; just so good.
Last year, we spent Thanksgiving inside during a training. It was quite non-traditional, with rice rice, curried pumpkin, and frog. We didn’t see family–in true form or on Skype; I taught all day in a little hut in the middle of the jungle. But it was good; I remember being thankful for the experience.
When we returned, we did many of the usual Christmas activities around Mae Sot: visiting children’s homes that Partners supports and hosting Christmas parties. We brought crafts, games, presents, and the Christmas story.
One of these Christmas parties is to Mae La refugee camp, and a large group of staff tries to go from both our Mae Sot & Chiang Mai offices. I remember looking around and just being so delighted with the Christmas season. I loved the play the children put together, I remember reveling in the music, and somehow it just feeling so Christmas-y, even in the sun and heat and huts. I distinctly remember looking around the room last year and just thinking how grateful I was to be in Thailand for Christmas.
My parents came for Christmas, as well, and joined in on the Christmas parties and events. We had Christmas Day in Mae Sot, and then spent a few days in Chiang Mai before they flew out.
Fast forward to this year, when sometime mid-year we got the idea of visiting England over Christmas. It started because we had frequent flier miles that were expiring, and we thought we had enough to cover one-way for each of us. We started to look into it but learned from the travel agent that one-way would cost similar, or sometimes more, than a round-trip ticket. We considered not going; we considered just paying the round-trip for both of us. Did we have the money? Was it a wise way to spend? Is it just too extravagant to spend Christmas in England?
It felt like such a magical idea, perhaps it was too magical for us in our little Mae Sot lives.
But we still felt like we should pursue it. It felt like God was blessing it, and we decided to go ahead and write the travel agent about round-trip tickets.
Meanwhile, I suggested a cap for the tickets. What if they were under this price? Then it’d feel like such a miraculous deal…
It felt far fetched. I don’t know if it was or not, as I don’t watch tickets from Bangkok to London, but it felt like I was just being hopeful. Stephen assured me it was okay to spend more than that; we’d just see what the agent sent and pray about it.
The price he sent our way was 60 cents cheaper than my ticket price cap. Sixty cents.
My {cheap} heart {wished I set a lower cap, but also} reveled in these miraculous tickets!
For the two of us, both awful, over-analytical decision makers, we made what felt like a fast and impulsive decision. We felt like it was right, and we had 24 hours to decide. And we bought them.
Fast forward a few weeks or months–I’m not sure!–as we were making plans for our training in November. Stephen & I both thought we should spend Thanksgiving in Mae Sot, so we scheduled our travels to return a day or two before Thanksgiving. We helped with the preparations and enjoyed a lovely Thanksgiving with some of our American friends here in Mae Sot. It was lovely, and full of all the traditional foods. We saw both of our families over Skype, and it was wonderful.
But honestly, as I sat among friends and enjoyed the Thanksgiving atmosphere, I was really thankful we were going to England. I told Stephen this later. I had been thankful from the beginning for the opportunity to go to England. But while we sat there, I felt like it was really a gift this Christmas, and I am more thankful for it.
Yesterday we went to Mae La for the annual Christmas party, and my response was the same. I loved the people around me, I enjoyed the skit, I loved seeing the kids open their presents with gleaming faces. It was a good day. It was Christmas-y. I was thankful. But I told Stephen yet again, this trip is a gift; more than I even thought before!
The year has been difficult for us. Have I said that before? Oh, yes, just a few times. No one will truly know all the intricacies of it–the pain coming from our time in America, from within our family, from work, from our community, and from within our marriage; the challenges and struggles and questions on every single side. We have tried to explain it to others here in Mae Sot, we’ve tried to talk to other expats, we’ve tried to share with family and friends, we’ve talked to a counselor; but in the end we know it’s just our road to walk.
Either way, we have commented, cried, and joked that God seems to think we can handle much more than we believe we can. As one more mess hits the fan or another painful event spins off us, we start asking questions. We start to argue that we’re not strong enough and this is too much; don’t you know where are limitations are? I don’t mean this in a dramatic way or even as a joke; I mean that I genuinely have feared that I might be just going crazy and crushing under the weight. Perhaps there was some confusion? I’m failing at handling it!
And yesterday, we sat at Mae La, and I was almost in tears with gratefulness, and maybe relief? I told Stephen that I am so thankful we are going to England. That’s just not even it; I can’t even express it. I just feel that it is a sweet gift from a Father that gives good gifts to His children. I didn’t know how sweet it was, I didn’t know how haywire this year was going to go, I thought I’d reached my end eighty times over. I don’t know about the money or how to defend our decision; I just know that God is good. And this trip is a story of His goodness to us, whether it means that to you or not.
Stephen sweetly replied, “He knew. He knew that December 20th was our limit. We’ll make it to that.”