hopes & fears.

Oh little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Yet in thy dark street shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight

For Christ is born of Mary
And gathered all above
While mortals sleep, the angels keep
Their watch of wondering love
O morning stars together
Proclaim the holy birth
And praises sing to God the King
And peace to men on earth

How silent, how silently
The wondrous gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His heaven.
No ear may hear His coming,
But in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive him still,
The dear Christ enters in.

O holy Child of Bethlehem
Descend to us, we pray
Cast out our sin and enter in
Be born to us today
We hear the Christmas angels
The great glad tidings tell
O come to us, abide with us
Our Lord Emmanuel

I walked down the aisle to this song at our wedding, so today–it’s our third anniversary!–I’m thinking of it again. And really, praying it again. That all the hopes and fears currently surrounding us would be met in Him; that he would come to us and abide with us.

I suppose marrying Stephen seemed like the culmination of so many hopes and dreams, but I am also so fearful, and so untrusting. That phrase seems to resonate with me constantly: that God is meeting all of my hopes and all of my fears, simultaneously; in some way that they are not even opposing one another, as I often see them.

And I think God has met and is meeting many of those hopes and fears through Stephen specifically.

One of my favorite moments was at our wedding rehearsal, as my mom was told to stand when the music started to lead the crowd. The music started and she just sat there. Everyone looked around and then paused; the pastor said again, “So when the song starts, you stand so that the crowd knows to stand, too…”

To which she replied, “Oh, is that what you’re walking down the aisle to? I thought they were just messing around!” 

I can’t really describe her facial expression, but it was very much my mom, and that moment in time will be captured forever.